Going to See Racial Movies When You’re Interracially Dating

The town I live in, the history in itself is very racial. Sure, we have come along way but the stigma of that history still lives there and is much alive in some more than others. Unlike people from New York for example, race is nothing compared to where I am from. Where I am from, it’s still a pink elephant in the room. And it was under my impression being a black woman in an interracial relationship with a white man from the same town (can you believe it) that perhaps going to see a racial movie about prejudice rather inspired or based on facts of history would be a big deal. At least that’s the kind of mindset I have, but my white boyfriend at the time, avoided taking me out to see any racial movie as if they were a plague. 

I thought possibly maybe it was a shaming thing on his part. He would quickly change the subject if I wanted to see a movie based on race that was coming out soon in theaters. He would offer to see “a way better movie” trying to get me to go see something else instead. He wasn’t stating his case about why he was refusing to go so it came off offensive to be quite honest, because it contradicts the fact that he loves the classic black movies such as Coming to America or Harlem Nights, so at least be open to seeing a racial movie. He loves the movie Friday, (who doesn’t) and he loves the show Sanford & Son, so for me it wasn’t at all difficult or a stretch to ask him to go watch a movie based on race. Maybe I didn’t think it through enough but I thought he would not be bothered to go see it with me. But I had to guess again. 

I came up with the conclusion that he might be ashamed to watch a part of history his race took part in. I tried reassuring him telling him he had nothing to worry about especially from me. He literally laughed and went on his way. And then one day he was so adamant about not going to watch the movie 42 with me. “All you know what happens, they mistreat him, and he still prevails and makes history, the end. Trust me, it probably might not even be good.” So now, I get offensive and insulted. There were action movies that came out that he wanted to go see, that might have not been good, and some he could attest were not, but I went to go see them with him because he likes action movies and fortunately for him, I do as well. I mean I could say the same thing when it comes to an action movie too. We all know what happens in them, someone or thing threatens the world, the superhero or none super hero saves the world, the end. But he didn’t hear any of that from me! (Do you feel the unfairness level?) But moving on, when 12 Years a Slave came out it looked intense enough to scare me not to go watch it. I kind of knew it might take me to a place emotionally that I didn’t even want to go so I didn’t bother asking my guy to take me to see that. But being in an interracial relationship it was starting to really bothere me as to why I had to do that. It kind of spoke of how not really far we had become in terms of moving forward especially if my white boyfriend can’t go watch theses racial driven movies with me! 

But weeks go by, and 12 Years A slave comes on TV as I am browsing channels and see it playing on one of the movie channels. I realize I missed the first thirty minutes or so but I told myself five minutes, just five minutes, and then I will turn it and watch a prerecorded show of the Golden Girls that I didn’t finish. Well five minutes lasted into the credits at the end started rolling up on the screen and it hit me. Actually it had hit me well before the credits rolled up on the screen, but I finally contemplated what it would actually be like going to the movies with my white boyfriend and watching one of these movies because while watching it, I was imaging what if he was sitting right next to me. Before it was about a statement that two couples from different races could be open enough to approach the idea of going to see a racial movie together. But while watching 12 Year a Slave I had a feeling of anger and disgust at white people. I could not lie. You go in thinking this will not mentally effect you because that was then and this is-bullshit! I didn’t mean for anger to happen but it did. White people got mad watching it so I guess I was crazy to think I the black person would not get mad too. I have white friends, have nothing against them (obviously) but watching that movie made me also realized that that’s my history and made me appreciate my history. 

The fact that if not for monumental things and causes never fought against,  that if courageous leaders didn’t fight for causes such as the Civil Right Movement, while at the same time black people enduring unimaginable torturous times, things would be just as they were before. Could I easily now date a white man then or better yet feel so easily that I can now versus then? You know what? I am lucky,and grateful, and a product of change, and sacrifice from people to make it so easy for me to know I can date a white man let alone actually date one. I can love a white guy, and he can love me because we are just two people who met and realize something was there. We are examples of achievement fought for by many and even at the cost of their lives years ago. 

And yeah, I got mad, that came easy. And as much as I tried telling my boyfriend I could never blame him or be angry at him for what others did before him, I could see us in a theater watching 12 Years A slave together. I could see me given him a glance every now and again as he squeezes my hand in the theater tighter as to remind me of what he kept on telling me. Don’t worry babe, I could never blame you or be angry with you for what others did before you and me. 

But while I am in my moment the phone rings and it’s my boyfriend checking in on me and I tell him I just saw 12 Years A slave and in seconds he gets this devastated loud disgruntle moan on the phone and then ask, “So I’m not getting any tonight when I come home, great.” I laugh on the phone because I don’t have to ask him why he would say that. It can’t be just easy for a white guy to take a black girl to a racial movie while every white person is calling black people out of their mouth nasty names, or hanging us up by a rope. But I told him I finally get it, and it’s a tough seat to bear for almost two hours if I were in his shoes. He told me it was exactly that. 

The fact that going out on a date with a black woman to watch white people abuse black people in every way imaginable and unimaginable hinders his reward by the end of the night so why would he defeat the very purpose every guy wants after taking a girl out on a date. (By the way, we’re married at this time) He concluded that even married, after a fancy meal, the movie ticket and the high dollar theater food, just to end up watching a racial movie that could have me turning away from him romantically, with no fault at him, was not worth it. 

I must remember love making is a very important objective when it comes to date night and no matter what I said, I would feel a certain way about watching a racial movie it regardless, and he was right. I never thought about that, but I should have suspected it all boiled down to me potentially taking his sex away at the end of the night. So I told him my bad, and that I should have saw it from his horny position, like I customarily do, but did not in this particular viewpoint. 

Many interracial couples go out and watch racial movies all the time I’m sure, or I think, but take note it’s not easy for some. Deep down I guess it’s not about race, at least it shouldn’t be. But gradually it got better for us. One day at home on the couch we finally saw the movie, 42. I was so proud of us and at the end. I was happy he came this far with me to watching the movie, maybe not in a theater but still with me. And be advised, if watching a racial movie with someone who is not of the same race will hinder any positive thoughts even by the time you both get in the car, stick with your own race. 

Now, we joke a lot about racial movies we see together. During the racial movie we both start to joke about how ridiculous it was in the beginning for us making it such a big deal we had to avoid, when it really wasn’t. The last racial movie we saw we held hands and cuddled together until they chopped Kunta Kinte foot in the Television remake of Roots. Let’s just say by the end of that scene, my boyfriend did a lot of squeezing of the hands during that particular part...extra squeezing!